Perplexed but Unchanged

im still alive

2010-03-19T22:40:00.002Z

ive yet to blog for a long while now. my life has nearly been taken over by the demands and stresses of exams, surgical society and keeping up with my life.

for the past month, ive learned a lot. i learned that everyone, as much as i want to think otherwise, do have limitations. that includes me and when i accepted that, i attained a sense of contentment.

4th year medicine in manchester is certainly tiring and mentally challenging. the length of the year and lack of holiday have drained so many of us, especially myself.

quite recent, i fell short of all the high flying expectations that i have put on myself. i stumbled, probably one of the biggest or the biggest mistake that i have done in my entire life. i lost the self i was and the belief that i have on my own.

until now, i dont think i have quite recovered yet. in fact that experience has humbled me. it was difficult to accept and i was at the point where i dreaded to wake up, to wake up every morning to face my own failure.

i think im fortunate, despite all of that, this mistake that i have done has not cost my parents arms and legs.

and i feel fortunate that my parents are behind me n for the words of comfort from my brother.

to never give up, the reason why you fall, is to learn to pick yourself up

i believe, irregardless, everyone has at one point made a big mistake in his/her life. but the mistake shouldnt break you, but make you.

i hope to those who are facing a situation like mine, i do hope that u will bounce back too.

Adrian.

learning, im still learning

2010-03-03T11:45:00.003Z

i think i finally found out what i can do to change my situation..

didnt realize it was just that simple....it is a matter of mastering that concept.

and i must learn to master this concept because it is my weakness and it always happen to me..

hhmmm, interesting......it is okay folks, im not planning to harm anyone, just something new i learn to correct my weakness..

on a side note, routine is making my life dull and way too predictable...

turning 22 - rediscovery and contention

2010-02-20T19:16:00.002Z

thank you everyone for their bday wishes and texts. im really happy to have u guys as friends. my apologies for the wrongs that i have done and thank you for the times we shared as friends.

i think from 21 to 22, it was a big leap for me. im still the same person, but i have learned a lot.

im slowing rediscovering myself, understanding my shortcomings and being contented with what i have.

21 was the year i discover my passion for neurosurgery
22 is the year i discover myself

we had a very simple bday eve countdown, very very simple, just played cards and chat about. but it was great because it was with those friends whom i know that they dont need to put up a show to prove who they are - through n through. bday dinner was very simple again with the very close friends and the few other friends.

over bday eve, we had deep chats about our lives and how we look at them. jon's life always been simple. boon questions the fundamentals of philosophy and genetics. james his completeness in a good life and achievements. we are all brilliant in our rightful way.

i realize that i am an overly cocky, boastful and confident person who at times deserves to be shot down. and my weakness is that i can never see my life in a cup of fullness but the emptiness. i always want to feel being the best in whatever i do, that i cant settle for anything 2nd best. altho i fell in love with neurosurgery, it could have been neurosurgery gave me that feeling or vice versa. and then i started to wonder about diversifying into business like my uncle did. the list goes on and on and on....

i forget that i have put effort in neurosurgery and it is paying off. that i found my passion and i should focus on my passion. that there will be a never ending height to achieve for i am no greater than a fool to think otherwise. i have come this far from a very small town called nibong tebal. i am about to live in my dreams to do neurosurg. at least one of my childhood dreams. or at least i believe i have a good shot at it.

above all, i am glad to have all my friends beside me. that i know, if today i would die, i wont be alone. that my path ahead, i wont walk by myself. my parents are behind me too.

cheers buddies.....wish to share many more great years with you all ahead

ACT Lim

catching up

2010-02-09T23:11:00.002Z

before chinese new year pass me by,

want to wish u guys out there,

Gong Xi Fa Chai !!

simply, Happy Chinese New Year....

take care,

Adrian

remembering the good times

2010-01-31T01:24:00.001Z

when i feel like giving up in medicine, this reminds me all the reasons why i want to do it so badly.

have a good fun, and enjoy the video.

Grass is always greener on the other side

2010-01-20T11:24:00.002Z

ive been stucked up in Oldham, a small district in manch.

such a depressive place, altho it is definitely a brilliant place in terms of education, plenty of teaching.

the lonely and depressive bit of a district hospital has made me to question myself do i really like medicine.

good thing, it is not just me alone who felt that, my friend placed there is starting to think so too.

i realized i came to med school to get into surgery. i did find medicine fascinating and interesting for the past 3 years. but now, things are getting mundane and infinite work for not much reward.

things was turning excellent for me, my extra effort in neurosurg was paying off, career path seemed certain and getting more assured. still passionate and love neurosurg.

but cant wait to get out of med school and this overly "safe and predictable" path in the medical ladder.

been talking to so many ppl, i believe grass is always greener on the other side. when you realize you can achieve what you want to do and things get mundane, you always wonder what is life on the other road not taken.

why didnt i just do dentistry, then orthodontics, earn easy and loads of money, rest on my laurel and retire early in like mid 30s...

i am neither a a god-complex nor rubic cube personified. i chose this path, (not what i said in my interview), because in my hospital placement i thought surgery was very interesting.

and general dentistry was alright, orthodontics was boring. but the defining moment, i believe, was when i sat in a session of physiotherapy with this kid.

he was a small boy with cerebral palsy. physically weak, couldnt even grip with his hands, slurred and droopy mouth, standing up was an ordeal.

I thought to myself, "i believe people like him need a helping hand. if not us, who else"

if only, i walked away and chose the easy life.

grass is always greener on the other side.

ACT Lim

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2010-01-01T15:30:00.002Z

I quote my friend, "everyone looks forward to new year with their old habits"

I am late to wish this, nonetheless, a belated Christmas and a Happy New Year to you guys out there.

Truly, I wish everyone a year that will be exciting and interesting ahead. Forget the economy, forget all the wars....lets live our life to the best we can.

as i hold strongly to the saying, "Fortune favours the courage"

Looking back, 2009 was a full of downs, but the few ups I had were the best in my life.

Year 2009 is the defining year in my life. a year which sealed my true passion for neurosurgery. the year which i have ended my battle to convince my dad that this is the life i want. at times, i was so stressed out that i wont make it but im gradually seeing the light now.

I sincerely wish that everyone of you out there, if you ever struggle, to keep fighting and persist in pursuing your dreams.

One day, you will see your rewards. To some people, that reward maybe quick, to others, it will take a long while. Every effort you make, you will learn, one way or another. you will achieve it at the end.

best wishes,

ACT Lim

Facebook Scammed

2009-12-18T18:15:00.002Z

I got a call this afternoon, my sister was told by a friend that I was robbed in London while i was in Manchester.

After finding out what happened, apparently my facebook account was scammed/hacked by someone. My email ownership was changed to one random email and my password was changed.

The scam was so believable coz the hacker used my account to chat with my other friends asking for money to be sent to a bank. 2 of my friends tried to contact me, one through my sis, the other thru josh.

Within 2 hours, i changed everything and even shut down my facebook account.

I didnt have a choice, i either risk cheating my friends inadvertently or my other details get hacked.

So, seems like im going to starve and desert myself from facebook...till God knows. i wonder if my friend list and pictures are still up there. will be a pity to lose everything

donno if i can reactivate it or not in the first place. well, look at the bright side, i wont be wasting time on facebook.

guys and gals be careful

the day i have been waiting for

2009-12-03T19:40:00.003Z

today, what i had was not that special, simple but interesting things, looking at MR, CT scans of the brain. subdural, SAH, PCA infarction and so forth.

but it was the day i have been waiting for.

finally, my dad is happy for me to do neurosurgery. Not just that, he has encouraged me to do Mres and the path I have chosen thus far.

i have not been talking to my dad for the past 2 months. i was dreading this conversation. but it turned out my father has opened up and could now see the potential and my true passion for neurosurgery.

it feels weird, the thought of your father's approval yet nothing different which occured changed a lot. i felt this sudden relieve and elevation.

i dont quite believe in destiny or luck at times, but i guess probably this is my destiny.

my cousin had a rather rare traumatic event lately, haemorrhagic stroke from an arterio-venous malformation (AVM) which required neurosurgical intervention, neuroradiological treatment and stroke rehab. It wasnt miraculously because there was no need of any divine intervention. she recovered with minimal neurological deficit besides confusion.

that unusual incident opened up my dad's tunnel vision. he could see the importance and the rarity of neurosurgeons. how vital is even a neuroradiologist and stroke rehab.

that pretty much sums up my life now. deep down, i always felt this was the specialty meant for me. the one and only specialty i fell in love with.

and now that im following the 2 success stories of neurosurgical trainees that i know, i am comfortable and certain neurosurgery is what i will end up doing one day.

Project Option is sorted out with my consultant, a mentor to me. Mres is also sorted out with a group i have been aiming for to the extent that i had to go down London to meet this Prof from Manchester. SSC seems exciting and interesting, well, in the morning during ward rounds.

i felt so lonely today when i woke up this morning, but now i can rest assured my dad is behind me.

A.C.T. Lim

WOOOHOOOO !!!!

2009-11-28T12:14:00.000Z

osce is finished for this semester....

donno if i did it right or wrong, some stations were so ambigous. i was confident with a few stations but people attempted differently. i really hope i didnt bust it up big time.

cant be bothered now, whatever it is........

TIME TO RELAX AND HAVE FUN.....

wooo hoooo.....ha aha..haaa....eee ahhh ahhahahhhahaha

Come on

2009-11-23T01:20:00.002Z

COME ON !!!!! few more days....after that u can flap your wings...

blardy hell, i realized my hairline has gone up recently.....i think i have never been much more stress and disappointment than now.

no excuse, still work to be done

after that, karaoke, hotpot, chilling out, london, or whatever....anything but medicine

Happy

2009-11-19T02:09:00.002Z

trying to

my feedback from mock osce on the poorer stations, i know the facts but i dont seem to have the confidence in myself

some stations i could do really well, scoring 6s out of 7, a few stations when i doubted myself, my confidence was not there to pull me through unlike usual days.

i feel like ive just been beaten down all this days of my life. dream to do neurosurgery, no you cant. try hard and effortlessly explaining the prospect of it. dont believe you. kinda reflects into my consultation with patients. i try to explain to simulated patients, if they are stubborn, i give up.

happy....i am trying to be

even more dilemma

2009-11-08T14:06:00.005Z

if you are on a toll of low mood, just dont read this, as it is even more saddening.

the other day, i was looking through on facebook, pictures of my family gathering, uncles and aunties which my cousin uploaded.

i saw a few pictures of my dad, i felt really bad, he is usually either in a serious mood or very loud voicing his opinion. this time, he was just looking aimlessly, not focussing on the camera.

when i looked at him like that, i felt really sad and bad because i think i must have made him disappointed as a father to see his son not wanting to talk to his dad for nearly a month now.

according to jon, he has been asking around about neurosurgery. i think i have let him down as a son. i probably should listen to what he wants me to do. after all, all his hardwork has been so that i could get this far. i am slowly trying to accept that im not meant to do neurosurgery. i am slowly trying to pick myself up from this feeling of being lost. i believe he wishes me well and doesnt deserve to go through so much more hardwork to let me study over here.

the other day was my mother's bday. i called her on my phone which i have never done because i normally do it online. i wished her and ask how was she and so forth. my mum asked me why i sounded stammering, i just said it was the line probably but in truth i was crying talking to my mum. i dont know why.

i think this is the problem with my personality, i think i am like the great i am and tries to hard, too ambitious, too foolish, and everything else. maybe my dad is right, i should just do what everybody else does.

at least i dreamed and i tried, i gave my lot and best. i just got to pick myself up one day again.

on the contrary to what i appear to my friends, the jolly o' adrian, deep down this is my struggle and will be forever my struggle. my father has always been like that to me from a very young age and i think i am starting to give up, not on my father but on myself.

trip back on tram

2009-11-02T21:25:00.003Z

today was rather interesting, travelled from one side of manchester to another. picadilly - hyde - picadilly - salford - picadilly. Was with gp in the morning and went over salford to finalize some conference issue.

since Mr H couldnt be the judge for the conference, i took the opportunity to scrub up and assisted him in a lumbar L2-3 vertebrectomy and pediculectomy. basically removing the vertebra of L2-3 and pedicles of L1. he was kind enough to explain things in great detail to me and allowed me to put on skin clips for the patients. i was disappointed with myself to the end of the session as i missed out on some of his questions. i answered every single one of them right until the last closing minutes as it was on histology. was happy to get to do skin clips for the first time but was disappointed that they looked rather badly clipped.

oh well, the interesting part of the day as i thought to myself. one random sexy blond girl sat next to me in the tram out of the many empty seats available. i thought to myself, hmmm, not bad, my lucky day. the girl was hot. u know why, i could literally feel the heat of her body, especially her bottom. for some reason, my chilly body from walking under the cold felt the warmth from her, coming from her bum. she looked sweet and pretty, with a gentle demure. i had a bit of euphoria....but, god knows why, it only lasted for few seconds. all thanks to

blardy sudoku....suddenly i got frustrated as i cant seem to find the x-wing or finned wing. hate especially the hidden pairs, seems like the last few tricks in sudoku that i never seem to master.

finally solve it with some hints from the game on my iphone....cheating, i know.

i thought to myself, my father must be feeling so angry of me to go in and observe neurosurgery when i should be studying for my general medicine.

what can i do, really. i fell in love, what looks like the hot slut in playbody magazine centre page - neurosurgery. or in other words, i fell in love with a receptionist when your father asks you to go after a top-notch lawyer or a star-studded doctor.

btw, leona lewis was once a receptionist before joining x-factor, one of the judges, dannii minogue appeared in playboy centre page. except that i dont like dannii...

come on....

2009-10-29T09:50:00.004Z

it is time to buckle up and pick myself from the pit of self-pity. i've always grew up doing things solo. brother was always distant to me, my sister has different interest. one of the strength that keeps me going is to never give up when i face adversity.

ya, indeed it hurts when you cant achieve your dreams but that doesnt mean i can just give up on myself. whatever it is that i will do, i am not going to give up on myself, just yet. OSCE is coming up and there wont be any pity for me if I dont pick myself up.

the sad bit comes as i had a mix feeling as the prof in charge of potentially the leading imaging centre for brain tumours in manchester replied. he was keen for me to do research with him as part of Mres. I dont know how am i going to tell him i cant do later on.

Now, this is how you pick up yourself. A brilliant song.

Look at the bright side - I saw a 1984 Ferrari Testarossa

2009-10-26T23:07:00.005Z

This was my childhood favourite car that I used to dream and swore that I will one day own it. to be honest, that is not going to happen, but I couldnt believe I actually saw this car with my own eyes for the first time. such a rarity and yet what a beauty. I didnt even doubt for a second that was Ferarri Testarossa

dilemma

2009-10-21T22:28:00.002+01:00

i believe no one is ever perfect. not like i am scathless and without any problems. i think when i look back last year, i have done some terrible mistakes. i think at least to a few friends. probably it is a bit too late to acknowledge this but i regretted it now that i think about it.

and i am not any less than miserable in a way. or rather lost my sense of direction.

everything seemed to work well, done neurosurg placement, lucky enough to have a neurosurg who mentors me as his own student, even luckier the mentor believes in me and is impressed and is willing to help me.

that was until the point i had this conversation with my dad last friday. out of a sudden, he was rather dishearthened and discouraged to allow me to do Mres simply coz he believes that i plan to do neurosurg with the help of Mres.

This spiralled from a disgraced, shameful neurosurgeon who is a friend of my uncle. This useless arsehole was apparently the most brilliant top student in PFS who then went on to become a neurosurg and now does private in Penang. the main point was he discouraged my father to allow me to do neurosurg, thinks there is no prospect in this specialty and he earns less than my parents and my uncles. For those farking reasons, my father was not happy that i wanted to do neurosurg. although he didnt strictly ask me to quit the dream, but rather meant he was not very happy and keen on that idea. thinks i have this weary dream of being a prof and a poor jesus who tries to save the world with his hands.

that day, i just gave up and broke down. i never give up in whatever i do, but this time i did. i realized that this is a dream too big for me, i am probably even trying too hard and probably will never get to do it. but i never bother about those and persisted. this time, i did. the most painful part is the fact that my father doesnt believe in what i do or want. and for me, that was the killer blow. i didnt argue back this time because the thought of my father not approving of what i believe in, and him not believing in his son was unbearable. i know he will still allow me to do Mres somehow and i can somehow find my way to try for neurosurg. but he is my only father and i cant bear the thought of going through this already tough journey to do neurosurg all on my own, without any support or belief from my parents. i just gave up and broke down in tears.

i suddenly lost my sense of direction. i dont know what i look forward the next day. i dont know what is all this dream and hardwork about. i dont know what i will even do. i dont know if i will ever believe in myself again one day later when i look back and realize i never achieved my dreams. if he doesnt believe in me, i dont know where am i going to find the believe in myself to carry through.

my brother once told me in the car that sometimes all he wish to tell our father is that how a bad father he is. but i chosed not to, because i know my father worked hard and hoped for the best for each one of us. yes, probably doesnt deal it in the way you sometimes wish for but he always meant well.

i see there are ppl of different backgrounds who suffer social problems, financially, relationships and many more things. for me, i have always felt at ease with people and being noticed by others. financially not the best but i am happy. i dont really yearn for a girl (nor guy) but i love my friends and i have a great bunch of buddies whom i am glad to be with. i dont care what people say or think of me, or even people question what i want. relationship wise, heard alot of horrible news from friends, break ups, being played, desperate, and all of those which i have avoided and kept myself safe.

this is the one thing i wanted so badly and the one thing i have found to carry me on, neurosurg. now, i am lost and it all seems bleak. i only wish, there will be someone who actually believes in me. more than that, i wish my father believes in me.

james said recently, "adrian, i think you just havent find the person you like, if not you wont be telling me why you should not this, n that........."

i think i know the answer now, i know what i want exactly out of my life but i probably will never be able to live my life and see myself achieving it.

strangely, of late, one of my cousins in his 20's suffered a haemorrhagic stroke from an arterio-venous malformation in the brain requiring a neurosurg operation. i reckon it must be to drain the haematoma and cautherize the lesion. gosh, why this thing happen.

a bit of self thought

2009-10-13T23:28:00.002+01:00

i dunno who are my readers, except josh....but my advice is not to read any further coz this post is extremely a waste, journeying into my thought. i take this blog as my diary since not many or even hardly anyone reads

anyway, yesterday was a rather amusing yet interesting day. Me, tom and ellie were in the car to wythenshawe for the final planning of the conference that we were organizing. tom, our vice president and a well-known medic, was just having a random chat with me.

out of nowhere, he came out with this bizarre question, "Adrian, you keep saying i dont go out on dates. Im going on a date tomorrow"
me,"are you serious tom?". Me and ellie were giggling at how tom proudly claimed he had a date. I thought to myself that actually i am far more horrible than he is. Yes, both of us have been single throughout our lives. but at least he has been out for a number of dates, although his history suggests that they dont last more than the first date. Dont get me wrong, this guy is on his way to academic surgery in oxford for foundation. he had imperial, bristol and few other job offers at stake. n ya back to myself, i've not just been single throughout my life, i've also not been dating before EVER. whenever i've been out with just another girl was almost always, in fact always as friends or even best friends.

then, tom got back to me and asked,"so what about you adrian?".me,"well, this year is really a wrong time for me to go out or have a relationship since i am so near to finals."

the one thing Tom and Ellie said which I couldnt reply and realize was true - there isnt a PERFECT time. this year, project options, then final year, then foundations, then specialty.

that begs the question, then why am i sat here alone. 3 theories have been postulated.
1. my cousin benjamin thinks im gay (after hearing my stories with girls from jon)
2. my brother thinks everyone has his/her own price (ie. i am too picky)
3. my aunty feels, from how i answer some of her questions, i have not found the person i like yet

to myself, i believe is because i found what i truly believe in and what i can hold on to, neurosurgery. the single thing that drives me and keeps me going.

but, if i was to look at this from a 3rd person point of view. there must be something really wrong here. when i try to analyze myself, taking myself as another person whom i dont know. looking back at my past. it seems the reason why i cling on neurosurgery is because it is something i can trust on, that whatever effort i put in, i will be rewarded. and i never allow my feelings to follow through because the last time i did that, it was the worst ever feeling in my life. i could still remember so strongly in my first year, sitting in lecture theatre, nalin thakkar or watever the geneticist name. i sat there blank and feeling so miserable coz for the first time i felt rejection. many ppl know who i used to like but i've never quite tell it to anyone really how bad it felt. altho i've gone over the feeling of liking her but on hindsight that experience has become a phobia to me. and i learned an important lesson that is to never like your bestfriend. and whenever i come anywhere near this feeling, i have this reflex to back off. sounds really silly, despite my nature of overconfidence in almost anything i do, this is the one thing i dont have confidence or faith in. for this reason, i always have reserve and dont pursue to the end which for a guy means u wont get past the friendship barrier coz girls are not the one doing the pursue.

but i guess, this is what that protects me. i know myself well, i wont be able to maintain a relationship. i have a very blunt, mean, hurtful personality that only my mum can bear. i am going to end up being hurt badly at the end if things dont work right. knowing my brother who was a very faithful person and used to like his first gf so much, only to be played and dumped by the girl at the end. the one kinda person he hated most - player - was what he turned into. knowing this fact, as brothers go through the same thing, as i do have a similar personality as my brother. i could potentially be worse than my brother as how easy i get girls attention without having to do much. even more puzzling to me is that, till now, i cant find a reason why there are actually girls that like me. coz if i was a girl, i would look for someone nice. i am on the other hand, very mean and sharp with my tongue. for a start, i am pretty short, not filthy rich, not a cool bad boy. medic guys are boring anyway. so, probably only explanation is as the saying goes, girls tend to fall for shyt guys. i could probably fit in that category.

only time will tell, i believe. i cant imagine myself in a relationship to begin with, cant imagine my world without my crazy guy friends, without myself walking around quiet parks, losing my motivation and dream for neurosurgery. i am so used to life alone now.

come on, who on earth, sits in the bus/tram playing sudoku or chest on iphone. who assists/watches neurosurgery and forget everything else in the world. well, i dunno if i'll make it here, 21 places in the uk anually, only 11 neurosurgical units in the uk. cross my fingers, i'll dive with my head first.

on a brighter note, today was amazing, first time seeing my consultant doing craniotomy, he hardly does any, known as the brain surgeon who doesnt operate on the brain. but whenever he does one, that patient must be pretty screwed and complex. this time, could see both the optic nerves, circle of willis - the branches ACA, MCA, PCA, basilar artery and the brainstem. a huge suprasellar meningioma ensheathing the optic nerves, lying in between the 2 internal carotids. complete resection was made with very detailed and careful debulking of the mass.

the best bit of the day that made my day, sorted out my project options with him, not needing any ethical issue to settle.

n this was the climax,

anaethesist, "X, this(me) is your student? he is keen in neuro"
my consultant, X, "ya, he is very keen"
anaesthesist, "where is your other student, the girl?"
my consultant, X, "she has been dispensed. she is not as good as this chap. do you not notice i tend to keep only male colleagues?"

now tell me how to fall in love with a girl when i have fallen in love with this specialty

the day i will remember for the many days that i will traverse

2009-10-06T23:45:00.003+01:00

i went in today, salford royal or once known as hope hospital. today was just like many other days, or it was initially.

woke up early, dreaded the very moment and sound of the alarm.
packed up, buckled up, walked to the stop, bus, walk abit more, tram, n walk yet again.
checked the theatre list, saw my consultant's name, dashed to get changed

it seemed all too mundane and usual, but it turns out I still crave the very challenge and sight of a neurosurgical operation....for the whole day, i realized, i was in my own world and neurosurgery. i kind of forgotten what was outside or things happening around me. forgotten the time, place, food, everyone, everything.

but the one thing i cherished and will remember today for a good long time,

"hey adrian, i'll like to introduce you to my new registrar, this is X"

"X, this is Adrian Lim, my student who is an extremely keen individual"

i couldnt hide my smile, as there was no need of introducing a medical student to a new registrar. definitely no need of any compliments but to be thought of highly by a neurosurgeon whose CV is untouchable, who have been under the best neurosurgeons around in uk, himself a reputable neurosurgeon, there wasnt much more I could ask for, for today.

i dunno if i am just a lucky bastard as my uncle once said when i got into manchester with one of the unlikeliest of all a-level results, but certainly i am extremely privileged to be under the tutelage and mentored by this brilliant neurosurgeon.

on a side note, today's operation was a right l4-l5, l5-s1 tlif foraminotomy with Viper 2, only a handful of neurosurgeons in the UK using this technique, earning him referral all the way down from London. 2nd operation was t6 debulking of intradural lesion suspected to be a meningioma.

surprisingly from a surgical neurologist,

my consultant,"what rotation are you doing now, adrian ?"
me, "neurology, which i have on thursdays and fridays for 4 weeks"
my consultant, "hah, neurology is boring, come up to theatres with me anytime"

A.C.T. Lim

mundane medicine

2009-10-03T16:20:00.005+01:00

i am starting to question myself, why am i doing medicine. i realize a lot other courses offer far more interesting and exciting challenges.

this sounds odd to the unfamilliar non-medics or fairly new budding gung-ho medics. other courses, if carried out as routine jobs/career, are bleak in prospect in comparison to medicine. But, but...but, dont get me wrong just yet. Once other courses are taken as a skill or ability or platform or as an insight or as social exposures to different horizons, nothing can limit you to do the wonders n firsts of the world.

take law for example, going through ladders of a trainee to a fully-fledged barrister is mundane and unrewarding. but say, if you take the principles and skills learned from the process of becoming a lawyer, and with those, use it to go into cooperate business or areas of such where negotiations are fundamental. Then, law is not a job, but a skill learned and a stepping stone.

similarly, for the other courses, this principle or idea can be amalgamate to the borderless and exciting future that you wish to undertake. fancy franchising a brand of yourself, sail the oceans, realizing ideas and dreams, this is the way you should do it.

BUT, medicine is unlike other courses, medicine is a vocation. Hardwork is the epitome of medicine where hospital is the epicentre of your life. over the years, i have lost my bustling and fun going personality, instead i try to excite my life by making things happen, going out more, etc etc. medicine just blunts the part of me that wants adventure and let me think safely and cautiously.

certain areas in medicine still fascinates and interest me but medicine is becoming more like a job than an aspiration for me. good thing neuro still excites me, possibly the only thing i am passionate about, but i cant just know neuro n nothing else. the making of a cup of coffee comes from water. oh well, the cup too, but not just coffee beans. that begs the issue, how am i going to push myself when things appear so mundane now. at first, when one of the scalpel committe was saying about this, a girl who was a gold-medalist in st.andrews, i thought this doesnt make sense at all. even more so from a gold-medalist. now everyone in my batch and my friends are feeling the same.. worrying...worrying....

lol, having said that, i m not giving up just yet......for time being, this is my caffeine replacement.

now we mean business

2009-09-26T22:48:00.001+01:00

yeah, this is how it feels like

when you can hit the ball with precision,
when every ball you touch, people expect there will be something good,
when you chase and run down the ball, the next thing is you score
when you blast the ball, the goalkeeper cant parry it
when you outrun other players without losing any stamina
when you just play the way you want to play

hell yeah, adrian lim is back.....

weekend was abit strange and boring somehow, no jonathan n no plans with the guys....felt kinda odd not doing anything. talking about other ppl getting cocky, i m kinda drawn into it nowadays. developing this cravings for AX, EA, AJ n along the lines of armani. shyt, bad sign. better make sure i stay grounded for now.

jonathan first impression of edinburgh was "wow, what a beautiful city". but when he came back manchester, "thank god I wasnt studying there and I have you guys. SOOO boring and nothing to do over there"

and that begs the question, "am I going to see an even more desperate benjamin the next time i see him." oh well, jon's summary of edinburgh in terms of ppl, 'tanah tandus'......lol, i didnt actually know that as my stay in edinburgh was short-lived and filled with visits to hospitals thanks to benjamin who have no freaking sense of tourism. cant wait to bring ben to eye candy him till he goes cuckoo....

paradoxical

2009-09-23T19:54:00.003+01:00

i was sat in this time, in an interview with a psychiatric patient again.

this time it was even more difficult trying not to laugh

imagine, your friend, say Mr X tries his utmost best to make you laugh with his most theatrical and nonsensical joke that he can think of

AND then, you are meant to sit there to listen with a blank face without laughing

n put this situation in a real life interview with a patient.

seriously, it is like, you want to "lao sai" so hard, that you have to hold it in so badly that it becomes "teng sai"......

this patient, i have no idea what was she thinking, taking a piss at me or seriously insane

"oh ya, are u the guy who gave me the jade Buddha, i love Buddha, i can feel the spirit around me now"

so, me cheekily tried to squeeze some stuff out,

"can you hear them (auditory hallucinations) or see them around you (visual hallucinations)?"

she denied any of those, what a let off, coz if she did, i wanted to see if she can name me some of them or even try to talk to them in front of me.....that will be interesting....but the part where i was trying so hard not to laugh is this

"i love shao lin monks, shao lin kungfu, jackie chan, bruce lee, jet li. I heard that Bruce Lee tried to teach kungfu in America. Thats why the Americans killed him"."Are you from Tung Ching hospital, I must have met you there"

"i went to chinese takeaway, and i was raped there so many times, i cant remember how many times"

at that point, i was about to ask, "was THE GUY me ???". seriously, she is just so psycho that she mentions anything that comes through her mind, for instance me, the chinese chap. i really nearly burst out lauhing loud listening to what she said.

n on tuesday, when we had a lecture on getting into a surgical career talk, i feel like "chiak sai". even with good results doesnt warrant a shot at being shortlisted for interview.

the whole lecture, only one person put up her hand for having a publication, who happens to be one of the scalpel committee member. although many may argue, say example, 80% is 80 points gained, but i rather look at it on the other way, that it is a 20 points loss sort of a thing.

altho at the moment, it seems im on the right track, but there are so many more boxes to tick. I really dont know if i can challenge any higher post in the surgical society, everyone in there is extremely good and competitive with intercalated degrees, honours n distinction, gold medal etc..results wise, not much i can do, only a handful of ppl do get very good marks anyway. 2 points loss there.

shyt, n i only have Plan A so far, neurosurg in uk....now i must come up with Plan B, probably neurosurg in Singapore or KL. The latter will be quite safe but i rather not concede to that comfort zone.

adrian....adrian......do you really want to do this.......well,i regretted not studying hard enough during a-levels. this is the single thing left that i want to make it in my life. not just going to give up just yet. if i have to pester ppl, so let it be.

cometh the hour, cometh the man.......lets do it baby

A.C.T. Lim

something is not right

2009-09-17T19:44:00.002+01:00

why do i pancit and cramp while playing football....

why my left leg macam tempang, only my right is able to kick abit

why my stomach cramp also when i run

why badminton also sucks

why my first touch sucks even worse when it is already sucky

why la, why la.....

only think i can think of, ini lah dosa dosa makan sedap sedap semasa di malaysia

itu tenaga batin telah dihisap oleh minyak minyak char koay teow, laksa, katak, ayam masak merah, lembu masak hitam, dan daging manusia.......

shyt, whole body having chills and ache, feeling so tired this days.....

even worse was having to sit in ward rounds listening to psych patients....

how do u not laugh when a patient complains of this, "Doctor, i dont have any sex drive"

and even worse is when, "Doctor, i have 39 kids with all the nurses in this ward, I have a kid with Sugababes, Rio Ferdinand had a pint with me and is framing me now"

and my blardy clinical partner was giggling, how am i suppose not to laugh in front of the patient.

it is like you are about to fart sooooooo HARDDD !!!......but u have to hold it inside.....

realize i m quite stupid actually, i told my clinical partner,
"if my wife is *******, i will have 39 kids with her."

My clinical partner explained to me and made me sound so stupid,
"almost impossible to have 39 kids with the same girl, she must reach puberty damn early, like 10 years old"

me,"shyt, like that must make her pregnant while she is pregnant since 10 years old? so can have few kids in a year"

me,"but if my wife is our fat gp, i will have 39 kids with 39 girls"

clinical partner,"HAHAHAHAHHAHAAH, stop it Adrian"

A.C.T. Lim

no matter what, an apple cant fall too far away from the tree that bears it

2009-09-16T00:12:00.003+01:00

now even kwai lohs been giving bad vibes to one of my friend about this friend of us who has changed. probably it all falls down to the environment, happens to extremely rich kids. kids who buy a single stuff in the hundreds of pounds...n buy many of hundreds of pounds stuff....

n now keep taking a piss at my interest n dedication towards neurosurgery........gosh, i really dont know how much more rounds of insult that i will ignore from this person, before i seriously argue back.

i was discussing this to my friend, cant blame, sooner or later, the person will embrace the wealth that the person possesses........

the only part which we didnt see it coming was, why from a nice down-to-earth person to a full-blown boulstrous rich kid..........

lesson to learn, be a good role model to your kids......

my funny brother

2009-09-12T17:30:00.004+01:00

there was once an uncle, my uncle, who was once entrusted with 30k ringgit 20 years ago. He was asked by another uncle of mine to deposit that earning into the bank.

yes, he was just a houseman back then.....so this houseman uncle took the money n went....

when he came back, this was what that happened

uncle who earned 30k "Ehhhh, the money deposit into the bank ready ?"

uncle-houseman "wait wait, let me show u this car.......really good car, see it is the Honda ....horsepower of.....speed of......"

uncle who earned 30k "where is my money, have u banked in the money yet ?"

uncle-houseman "ohhh, i used the money to get this car"

uncle who earned 30k "WHAT !! the 30k i asked u to bank in, you use to buy this sports car"

okay folks, that wasnt a joke, that seriously happened, my uncle trade in the money for a sports car back then.....that story has been told over n over again during chinese new year family gathering......how this crazy uncle bought a sports car with the money that he was suppose to bank in

little did he know, history was about to repeat itself....

my own brother, tried to achieve his feat

my brother told my mum, "Mummy, im going to trade in the Wira for a silver Honda Civic"

then one night he went out with his Wira in KL (me and my mum in subang).....he came back with this blardy spanking yellow slick looking car, a two-seater sports car with leather interior and with the name Pinin Farina emblazoned across the interior of the car

"fark, whose FIAT COUPE is this, your friend's, ah ko ? "

"errr.......this is the Honda Civic i was talking about, but it is yellow "

my mother nearly pengsan........

months later, he crashed the car into a girl school, or malay school's padang, cant remember now.........the car turned 360 TWICE......

and all he had to say when he came out was "FARK, my Fiat Coupe is wrecked"......he wasnt even bothered about his life

then he bought himself a 2nd hand kelisa......for another year.....then he tried a red Toyota MR2 second hand, another sports car

this time, just few weeks ago, smoke came out of the bonnet.....he rushed out, the car lit up in fire and ash, the whole blardy car was burnt n nothing was left.....

and my brother is still a blardy joker that doesn know what is is called FEAR or DEATH !!!!

as ben puts it in this way, my brother Jeffrey lives his life as if today is his last

his sense of humour and wit for jokes is one of a kind, unparallel. his attitude towards life - fearless. his intelligence - distinction student. his motivation - money. his looks - very unchinesely sharp but looks like south american. but his downfall - never use his gifts to the best of his abilities.

i cant understand why is he working so hard doing locums but doesnt want to specialize. he would be one by now if he did put his brains n charisma into good use.

as the houseman-uncle who is now the gynae-oncologist, Prof in UM who recently appeared in TV, commented on my brother, "he is a brilliant guy, but something must have gone wrong up there"

oh well, i wish my crazy brother will one day gain his senses before he drives his sports car into his own coffin...

the sad thing in life

2009-09-05T01:17:00.002+01:00

Talking about whether people can change in time, it does

the sad thing about it is, as I was talking about this to my friend, that those few people that we know changed for the worse.

Me and my friend noticed this sometime few years ago but we didnt know it would have been full blown by this time of the year. A few people that we know has changed. Although some of them will probably be irrelevant to me as they are not my own friends nor have i seen them in my life.

But it is a shame to hear stories of someone else's best friend would, from one of the nicest chap in class as i understood, adopted a detached, boulsterous, egoistic and mean persononality. For that reason, I feel pity as to why the harsh realities of this world, at times, would render such an unexpected change of a person whom we may regard as good once upon a time.

That, at times, it makes me wonder being good is the most difficult task in this ever challenging and demanding world when only the fittest survives. It is not like in the movies, where by the good prevails at the end. It seems, only plausible, that the meanest, the harshest, the crude, the evil, the dark side and the unseemingly feintness of goodness are left. In truth, yes, we human for a start are the most cruel and manipulative being of the many mammals that lived and for those reasons we survived.

but that doesnt allow me to accept such a thing. another friend of mine, whom i used to have high regards about the person years back then has now developed a personality of such that shocked me. a simple, down-to-earth and rather lovely person has turned into a cocky, egoistic, dominant and flashy friend. although, we are not harmed nor threatened by any ways. but rumours of other friends disliking this friend of ours is alarming. never once said, but we discovered the friend now thrives,lives, demands and triumphs on wealth. it is only sad to see we would face such circumstances. i do sincerely wish for the change back to the lovely person we all knew, and i do wonder what happened, but i know we cant help nor will this ever change.

that's the sad thing in life, that some people do change, but for the worse.......

to me, it is as almost i have lost a friend, although i still keep the conversations going whenever we meet this days, but rather sadly discovers a lost of a person I once valued

oh well, as they say, friends come and go........

When one door closes, another opens for you...

2009-09-01T22:49:00.002+01:00

not quite true

because, in truth, When one door opens, many more doors will be opened.

question is, if you opened the wrong door

life changing - just one lucky door

effort, blardy bla....n the rest, it all comes into place when u open the right door to a mansion, or at least the right road

i dont think i deserve this - but i think i just opened my luckiest door

but my lessson is, if one door cloese for you, you just need to try and open another door

maybe time will run out, when all is dark n you cant see the doors

it is getting dark, time is running out, just got lucky - found it

A.C.T. Lim

Cometh the hour, cometh the man..

2009-08-29T02:25:00.002+01:00

that's what my brother said just a week short before i was about to leave manchester in regards to himself

but definitely, it is the same for me as well

forget the past, forget the mistakes, it is time to do what is right and put things together....

i realize, as i chatted with my cambridge friend about how we grew up, i realize i've been a playful person all throughout my life....

this is an important moment in my life, that will either make me or break me......

cometh the hour, cometh the man

if i dont get it right now, i will never make it right forever.....

but will i be able to change in time.........thats the challenge

this is the shot, where a dart is left, but a bulls-eye required

Back in Manchester

2009-08-19T17:45:00.004+01:00

I have just got back to Manchester....

Oh god, already feeling the blues and missing Malaysia. Not so much of missing home, but the dreadful thought of medical school and missing out on so much fun that i had back in Penang.

Just few days before I flew off, my crazy brother had 2 futsal session cancelled. So, he decided we (me, him and ben) to have our annual padang kick about near Ben's place. And again, this year, it rained like the year before. Blardy hell, we were running like fat cows with no stamina while it was raining. 2 laps of up n down the field was enough to kill us, probably quarter of a field was enough for my brother.

The Triangle - Jeff left footed left winger dribbler, Ben right winger poacher n goal getter, Adrian central anchor cum attacking midfielder

Damn it, i still love Malaysia although at times I am shameful of my own country and her politics.

Dont get me wrong, I still think Manchester is a lovely place, definitely way better than other Uk cities that i've been albeit an ulgy city.

But you dont get to play football with your own cousins and brothers n friends under the rain, storm into shopping malls with short pants, tour the whole town just looking for swimming trunk n end up with cycling tracks, swimming n roaming around swimming clubs like your father built it, eating the food only at your richest u can afford in UK, listening to the whining of relatives of how this generation of kids are so spoiled, n indeed getting spoiled n spending like nobody's business back home, driving around the town in the car like laws are meant to be broken, the sight of penang, the sense of belonging to a freaking huge family of close bonds, chatting up crazy n random stuffs with cousins, trying flaming lamborghini, living like we are kings and queens of our home and even the simplest of everyday waking up to see my mum n lil dog at home

i do wonder, at times, is it really worth all this sacrifice and commitment for a dream i chase in the UK

i still think yes, this is what i have signed up for, this is my dream, the life i chosed

just enjoy the ride and have fun with friends n family

i remembered that i used to stick to this saying - We only live life once

and i want to make sure i am here to make a difference n not a vanishing ash

PS: btw, nearly missed my 2nd flight in dubai by half an hour, n lost my luggage during the transit........oh well, shyt things happen.

Mid Life Crisis

2009-08-07T14:34:00.002+01:00

Summer 08/09 is probably one of the best summer holiday of the 3 I had. Having said so, it seems like I said something like that the year before, n the year before that too..

3 of us cousins - me, ben and jon - had a great time together

tried flaming lamborghini, good wines, many silly stuff and occasional movies

but suddenly, we all came to a point, we realize something was missing

each one of us felt something was missing, then Ben phrased it well,

"ADRIAN !! look at my grandma.....now look at me, I have a hole in my heart"

me, "why ?"

"I feel so lonely...." Ben (who sounded quite dramatic but honestly true to himself)

-Mid Life Crisis-........weirdly, we all feel this when we come to this age, at least for guys.......

WHY ?? simple - so that we will find XX humans n breed......

Take that all aside.........flaming lamborghini is a must try, drink the cocktail as the flame race down to the bottom
only recently i started to appreciate good wine - always thought they were all just alcohol
having a drink at the beach bar at night is equally nice, cousin gathering, crazy stuffs with friends........

i dunno where to begin, wat to say or when to end

but i love my life today, dread the thought of going back to the hardworks of medicine, but love life to the very bit i have.......

no one is ever perfect i realize - i know i m flawed but just live life like tomorrow is the last day

Cheers !!! belle tette

To kill 2 birds with one stone

2009-07-20T05:28:00.002+01:00

the saying goes, if you have the stride of luck on your side, to kill 2 birds with one stone. A difficult, but plausible act.

but i realize, you can't.

Only logical and feasible when the 2 birds are alligned and of close proximity. but, to kill or accomplish 2 dreams/aims which are of separate entity and different requirements - virtually impossible

as good as you are, as clever, as determined, or hardworking or capable

we are limited by time and space. achieving A dream already requires the utmost dedication of time and being at the right place.

sacrificing your very lil time for yourself for the second dream may seem to be the only way. even if feeling drained wont be an issue, time will run out and you will be at the wrong place for the 2nd dream because you are at the right place and time for the 1st dream.

i come to conclude, n rather sadly admit, that i can only chase my biggest dream but unable to accomplish the 2nd.

on a brighter note, at least i know for now that I am at the right place and time for my biggest dream. it seems, the 2nd dream, must come to accommodate or adapt to the 1st. history has proven itself, i've not seen someone i know of who has achieved a similar success in light of my situation.

A.C.T. Lim

test your brain....

2009-07-05T11:55:00.003+01:00

When jonathan, booniz, wai lum, heng soon, RoMan n co left, I was getting abit worried that i'll be finding it hard to adapt to life without them. I really do miss the fun and crazy chats of all ridiculously pointless stupid things in life. The occasional stretch of our physique, sprinting back n forth on the tarred court and laughing while trying to kick the ball have disappeared.

dont get me wrong, i cant wait to see them again.

but, come summer, without the crazy bunch, new friends popped up to fill the gap. 2 of my housemate's friend from cambridge came up, one is staying for the rest of the summer with us, the other joins us for weekends. there is another one who came all over from melbourne to visit the 3 of them; they were classmates back then in high school.

may not be as crazy or ridiculous as our gang, but still the fun is back with chats, laughs and occasional intellectually stimulating questions which I am thoroughly thrilled with these cambridge chaps.

one of the questions which we were given by this physicist is as follows; apparently this was a question given during an interview for an accountancy job in cambridge or imperial, cant remember:

5 pirates (A, B, C, D, E) found a pot of gold worth 100$

the leader, A, seeking consultation from your consultation firm

A wants to get the most out of the distribution

rules are:

for the proposition to go through, there must be at least half of the amount of people to vote YES. if it is a tie. . . say 2 YES, 2 NO . . . . .proposition will still go ahead. 3 YES, 2 NO obviously gets to go ahead too

if the proposition fails, as in majority of the pirates say NO, more than half of the pirates voting. The Leader will be killed, n the Next-person-in-rank will have to come up with a proposition. Say, A propose, majority disagree, he will be killed. B takes over, he proposes. If more than half disagrees, he gets killed. C takes over . . . . n etc

in terms of rank, it descends from A - B - C - D - E, A being the highest, E the lowest.

the person in the higher ranks always has the intention of keeping his position n avoid getting killed, the person below will want to get promoted.

you are the consultant of the firm, what will your proposition be for the leader, A to maximize his acquisition of the pot of money

how much will that money be, n how does he plan to distribute it to maximize his earning n avoid getting killed

ENJOY !! . . . . . took me and the cambridge medic about half an hour to figure the answer out

the world is a small place i find out, the physicist is my cousin's badminton partner in cambridge n staying in the same college...lol

A.C.T. Lim

finally...

2009-07-04T17:53:00.002+01:00

i didnt expect this, i thought i may need a few more years at least . . . . .

finally, my dad has allowed me to read neurosurgery. . . . he has been against this idea all the time

n today, i managed to convince him that neurosurgery is what i want to do, but i shall keep the details close to me

on a side note, communication or patient interaction is extremely important in surgery. That was one key thing my consultant pointed out to me that he wants me to pick up from him in this period of time with him. You really do have to be empathetic and be likeable to patients. it is vital especially when things goes wrong in operation, small things like infection and bleeding can set it all off to an unhappy patient

for this reason, i wish i was back home in malaysia, his tales of saying how patients sometimes just accept fate as it is unlike the more informed public in the UK.

love my life now . . . . . . feels like this heavy burden n dodging away from my dad in regards to neurosurgery have been lifted.

i dont want to argue against evolutionist, or call myself a creationist, but I will say I must be really blessed to be this lucky, every thing seems to go in my way now. u know sometimes, u do doubt whether there is the creator, God. but i thank God for what i have now.

A.C.T. Lim.

the lil icing on the cake

2009-07-02T01:07:00.002+01:00

i still believe this, n i still dont understand a single thing about it

as i reiterate, girls are weird . . . . .

people say bad things always happen at the same time one after another

good things seem to happen at the same time too, in packages

as they say, you cant live with them, but cant live without them . . . . . . looks like it

familiarity breeds contempt

2009-06-29T19:49:00.002+01:00

i must have understood this words in a wrong way

my clinical partner(hospital placement), veena is starting to sound like me

we literally see each other almost every other day for 1 year, at least for another year, 5th year will be carried out individually.

seriously, it is freaking me out

check this out from veena

"hey, where is your sexy gf," referring to our chubby, overweight married GP woman.

"check out your good friends in the bus," referring to the 2 gay guys holding hands.

oh god, help me, or at least help others . . . . i am infecting people with my corrupted personality.

n again . . . . belle tette

How do you know when you meet an Italian guy

2009-06-29T03:35:00.002+01:00

"oh shyt, i think i am growing a belly now. I am getting FAT," Italian friend - tall and slim, but complaining of belly

"hey adrian, did you notice today that I am wearing contacts" - pointing at his eyes, looking vainly into the mirror

"i dont want ppl to think I dont have life and I am not cool" - whining n moaning

seriously, if you can think 3 words associated with Italian guys - vain, pompous, insecure

but hey, I like my Italian friend, had so much laugh doing the placement with him. in a way, i think i m becoming more like him too

"hey xxxxxxx, do u think my hair looks like a retard?" me

but u know wat, italian ppl are cool and stylish.......if you say this words in the right way

belle tette

i warn you, only say it to your gf or jokingly with other guys. i swear to you, if you say it to a passer by, she will slap you. if you say it to a guy, if he is gay, god bless you. AND it only sounds cool if you say it out in the italian accent.

ViVa Italia

A.C.T. Lim

if only this would happen

2009-06-24T14:55:00.003+01:00

if only this would happen, my life will change forever

sometimes, u work shyt hard to get somewhere, but it doesnt happen. some people dont need to work that hard, but with a slice of luck, they get to somewhere that u will never imagine

fortune favours the courage. sometimes it is effort, but sometimes it is just destiny

i know it isnt nice to wish for things, because that cripples you to a wishful dreamer. but i wish this patient that will be getting her result of biopsy will be an unusual presentation. if the prediction is right and according to my consultant - my life will change

forget the honours degree, forget the progress test, forget the osces, forget the rankings.......this one thing will change all

my consultant's previous project student was just like me, average, mediocre results but with a love for neurosurgery. he was destined for neurosurgery. from one case, he progressed to higher heights and he has landed on my dream job in addenbrooke's.

he didnt choose neurosurgery, destiny chose him, or rather neurosurgery chose him.....that was what my consultant said

at present, i cant be bothered about anything else that is happening because i know now, for sure, what i'm looking for. now is just the time waiting for that report from histo labs. . . . . . .

if this is my destiny

and, if only this would happen

A.C.T. Lim

finally found it

2009-06-19T21:34:00.003+01:00

i always think to myself, been always looking for something in my life, something special...but i dont know what was it that i was looking for

today, i have found it

i have always been fascinated by the nervous system and neurosciences

n surgery swayed me away from the verge of doing dentistry

if u put the 2 together, the equation that forms is

neurosciences + surgery = neurosurgery

i thought i was going to like neurosurgery, but i was wrong.

i fell in love with neurosurgery, just every aspect of it, all sub specialties of neurosurgery, the diseases involved, the problem solving skills required, steel heart, attention to detail, fine handwork and the list goes on.....

i had so many ideas of neurosurgery, but so many of them were completely wrong

it is not like orthopaedics at all, not about nuts, screws, bolts and hammers......rather it is fine, delicate and precise

you need to have very good results..........no, doesnt count at all

neurosurgeons are cocky n dominant arseholes.........nope, they are humble, warm and kind hearted than any surgeons i have been with

doesnt need much communication.........all of them communicate extremely well and very warm to patients with good sense of humour

what you'll find similar in most neurosurgeons

humble, friendly, warm and caring ppl

vibrant, dynamic and versatile

calm, composed and always on their toes, not stereotypically routine n repetitively boring

a unique character n personality, they all have something peculiar or strikingly different about them

sharp, well thought, brave decision makers

obsession for details

they all have a fond liking for the brain/nervous system/neurosciences from the very beginning

Mr Richardson, "if the nervous system doesnt excite you, forget about neurosurgery"

the only one thing that i m contemplating is the training towards being a neurosurgeon. extremely tedious and long and super competitive. there isnt much life.

one major thing u must have to be a neurosurgeon, passion. and one thing that sets neurosurgery above all other specialties........life or death is in your hands

one fine mistake, in spinal surgery, patient is paralyzed for life, one fine mistake in pituitary surgery, internal carotid rupture n brain dead, one fine mistake in skull-based surgery, loss of anything u can possibly think of, vision, movement, personality, memory n the list goes on.

it is definitely not a specialty for the feint hearted.

and today, in one day, i saw 2 big major ops which well defined neurosurgery, exciting but highly risky

one pituitary surgery with ruptured internal carotid artery which i assisted

one craniotomy for post comm aneurysm, was like picking the right wire to diffuse a bomb

but it was the 2 operations that i will remember vividly in my mind for the rest of my life.

that was the moment, i felt that this is the something special i was looking for all my life

i finally found it, neurochirugiae (in Italian) thats wat i have learned from the 2 italian guys doing electives

now i start to miss my mum, was on skype with her, "if this is what you like, and you really want to do, you should carry on, dont bother anything else".......she is still the person that always stay strong and supportive of me irregardless of what i do. i know she doesnt want me to do neurosurgery but she still finds the word to encourage me.

i wish i would be a good son as she has always been the greatest person in my life. and i definitely dont want to walk down this path towards neurosurgery all by myself. i hope i m not too late.

my consultant neurosurgeon, "if this(neurosurgery) is your destiny, you will get there one day"

Toilet for Handicaps

2009-06-06T22:14:00.003+01:00

one thing i learn the other day,

not that toilet bowls are made in such a shape to fit your bum

neither anything to do with my physical condition in weeing

not that i heard or saw any couples trying out in the toilet, nor myself trying anything out. (STOP) if you are thinking of anything dirty.

my friend M was using the handicap toilet. he isnt handicap in any sense. i was using the normal one.

i just jokingly said, "M, are you handicapped ?"

n simple things that i overlook but his answer striked me

M, "When an opportunity presents in your life, seize the moment"

n it did make a whole lot of sense. i think in my life, there were tons of opportunities that were presented in front of me but i never made full use of them.

alot of things happened, i made too much careful thoughts and considerations at times. sometimes i have evaluated things so much so that i lose my sense of bravery to tempt the unthinkable.

i remember things clearly, some things that were said in movies, a wee bit corny to point out. but

good things come and go once in a lifetime, you dont seize it, you will never come across it again

i think it is time for me to let go of my analytical side and my careful well planned thoughts aside. it is time to dive in with hands held high n guns blazing.

sometimes it takes the right time, right place n right moment.

but if u dont try, u wont be even at that place, time or moment, be it for the right or wrong reasons.

n again, Yuvanesh my childhood friend used to say, No One Knows What the Future Holds

ps: the other day when i was in formal clothes, i was asking for directions, do you know where the college is ? stranger answered me "ohhhh, the college hospital, just down there on your right". damn it, do i actually look that bugger old and ah pek. although indeed i was looking for the hospital. i dont like the fact that i mimick consultants and doctors ethiquette, not somethign that i picked up on purpose. i want to have that youthful and energetic vibe. not some consultant manner. damn it.

Adriana Lima (picking up some of the vibe for a change of A.C.T. Lim)

of Roses & Thorns, of the Year 08/09: Recap

2009-05-04T11:40:00.003+01:00

they say, every rose has its thorns but for me 2008/2009 has been absolutely amazing and brilliant. only the occasional blips and downs, but that hasnt swayed me away from liking my 3rd year in Manchester.

08/09 started off with a horror coming back from Penang,

me, "can i check in to my room ?" (for Whitworth Park)
receptionist, "i am sorry, you dont seem to be in our system"
me, "(f***), what do you mean by i am not in the system, i paid the 200 pounds deposit"

with no place to stay, i was lucky enough to bump into tony, he was my daddy for at least another week then.

i nearly shyt in my pants at that point, thinking of where and how am i goin to sort my accommodation.

but i was fortunate enough again to bump into Nicholas, he asked if I was interested to have a look at his place for rent. I was thinking it must have been some shanty rugged place which his parents bought. oh boy, i was blardy wrong with my assumption. The walk to the place was not welcoming as it was quite a distance. Then, i realized, this new place of his is actually an apartment rather than a house. up the lift, approaching the flat door, still not impressed but thought oh well cant be that bad. I was so wrong.

WOOOOOWWW.....I was stunned, the lighting was crystal clear with nice simple chandeliers, cream leather sofa, top floor overseeing Manchester city and Hilton Hotel, plasma TV bigger than the ones back in Penang. The place was so nice that it looks like a place where couples date.

even Ben who came down from Edinburgh was amazed when he first saw, "OMG ADRIAN, this is what you call a crib". that was a marvel as he is living in pollock halls which was built for the royal family, it was built in preparation for Prince William who ended up going to St Andrews

but this year has been great for many reasons, some of which i cant recall at this point but will be lasting memories till i flip open the coffin.

the most significant one is my friends who i have mentioned earlier, the footballing days, kicking and chasing a rugged ball under -4 degrees with only a layer of jersey, played on icy surface. some crazy bday bashings. some crazy jokes that we share and having fun around. i hope this will last for many more years to come as they head into clinical years.

and i truely count myself lucky this year, everything seems to be going my way, not just as i want them to, but more than what I can ask for. was chanced upon the opportunity to be under some swashbuckling, spanking, privileged consultants in mainstream departments like A&E, cardiology, respi and even general surgery.

others have ended up attached in anaesthesia, medical assessment unit, haemato, renal. some were great but not of interest to me.

2 brilliant awe-inspiring Profs in A&E, one of which was a national figure. respi was where i learned my trade of differential diagnosis skill under a consultant who carefully works his way through his findings. hardly Pbl groups get placed under cardiology, as it is very busy, i had the opportunity to be with a prominent Prof but not a person i like in particular. the other cardiologist was whom i look up to, one of the most intelligent person i know up to date and managed to build a good rapport with him for reasons that i donno, one reason i can think of is when i was able to answer some of his distinction questions, it is when he raises his eyebrows and check if anyone knows.

the last but not the least, is one surgeon who, despite being one of the longest serving and most senior member in the general surgery department, put so much effort into teaching me and giving me opportunities to assist in the surgery. his detail and etiquette to work is second to none. communication skills is one thing he stresses so much to be a truely great surgeon, one quality which i thought was the least thing a surgeon is required to have. true enough, the best surgeons around almost always have admirable communication skills, as everyone can be trained to do surgery but only a handful will care and attend to patients pre and post-op. people used to think all surgeons do is with their hands. it is not just that, you are doing procedures that is invasive, will either save or cause more harm to patient. hence, you need to be able to communicate with the patient well before doing the operation to get the best outcome for them and after the operation to make sure patients cope well. that explains why some surgeons get law sued from unhappy patients (in malaysia, u can get away, but not in the UK, definitely not in America)

my proudest moment came when the surgeon Mr H commented during one of my last theatres with him, Mr H looking straight into my eyes with a big smile, taking a good breath before he says, "Adrian, I am impressed with your interest and enthusiasm. Good luck for your future, good man"
for a surgeon of his age and imminent figure, to call you by your name instead of 'medical student' and to commend on your effort out of the blue, thats the best encouragement i can ever get. even if i dont finish off my medical school with honours, having a top surgeon who is respected by his peers to think highly of you and think you will go on to be a successful person, is worth more than the honours points.

lucky enough as well to get to know a number of top competitive white students whose CVs are just way beyond imagination, listing up till national contributions, some of which are top in their batch. just feel lucky i wasnt 2 years above, that batch really have some serious nut people. think it was when manchester was ranked 3rd or so. lucky as well those top fellas i know are willing to share and advice. learn a great deal of things from them. weird thing is i got to know them from malaysian seniors' friends and just bumping into them at weird places.

never a believer of luck or fate or destiny. but sometimes u seriously do need a slice of luck. been seriously lucky. or rather, really blessed.

life been brilliant as i have been enjoying what i m learning and having a life outside studies.

"Iron sharpens iron" and "no man is an island". a good reminder from Jonathan. think that is how the group of crazy friends have bonded.

personally, i always think, nothing is perfect. shyt things do happen, shyt people are around, some obvious, some so subtle. maybe it is a normality in their upbringing or surrounding. but i cant be bothered, because i know i have true friends around. and i certainly can tell who are genuinely nice deep down and who are not. and i certainly know who are my true friends. and what can i say, i m happy to have you guys.

my only regret this year has been to know shyt friend(s) and actually thought (they) were good friend(s). although my 6th sense did tell me something wasnt right.

but i hope next year will still be a bustling and fun year. me, josh, jon, heng soon, james, boon, wai lum again sliding tackle under the ice cold winter.

Magic tricks are entertaining, but if u make a mistake and expose yourself, it is horribly embarassing. even worse goes if you try poison ivy on other people, if u get busted,

bye bye my friend.

not everyone falls for magic tricks too.....*wink*....*wink*

Live life to the fullest, study hard and play hard

A.C.T. Lim

sky high

2009-04-23T21:56:00.002+01:00

some say, it feels like an eagle flying in the air

some say, it feels like you've won the ultimate jackpot

some say, it feels like you just conquered the heighest mount on the world, Everest

some say, it feels like you just got kissed by an angel

some say, it feels like you just ate char koay teow

some say, it feels like you dated with your dream girl and (feel in with your imaginations)

some say, it feels like the world just halted for a moment, deja vu

some say, it is the best ever feeling you will get from an email

you just know, it is something special when i posted few posts in less than a month, at least it is to me

a dream come true, or more rightly so, a dream i live on

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH......neurosurgery for SSC.....after emailing nearly half of the neurosurgeons in the department.

2 words that decribe that feeling for me ...SKY HIGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whatever the mind can conceive, the mind can achieve

2009-04-19T17:15:00.003+01:00

so true, so true....

parents agreed to let me do Mres, had that in mind for a long time and wanted to do it. father was so against the whole idea of intercalating, not even to mention a research-based intercalated degree. took me almost 2 years to convince him, finally he is. in fact, he is encouraging me to do it now. fun-tasssss-tik !! the bidding towards doing an Mres had so much low and cons, having to take a year out right before Final year was daunting, having to in sync with life in a lab, the expensive cost of the degree and most importantly it has nothing to do with surgery, in fact going offshore.

but it was rather something i wanted to do, dedication towards the betterment of the future. the words for it, making changes. Nobel prize isnt up in my mind, but i would want to see that the existence of my life is worth while and perpetual. i dont want to be just another doctor, hustling and squeezing through hospitals and up the ladder to just be part of imprinted knowledge with merely any thinking put in.

i have no idea, nor can i foresee my own in the near nor distant future. but wat i know is, i have a vision and aim of what i want to pen off at the end of my career. i dont see how impossible i can achieve it, but i see many obstacles and boundaries that i need to overcome. just perfect for the person like me.

next stop, convince my dad to allow me to do neurosurgery, that will be another uphill task of which i need to summon my utmost determination to prove the case. but it wouldnt be as hard as the Mres. signs are my mum is getting quite okay with the idea, which is always the first few telling signs of something good

n the stop after that, london. i think manchester is the perfect place for me, brilliant, not much to complain having almost completed 3rd year, i personally think we are arguably in the top 5. but, my aspirations for a challenging life is making me to wonder whats life in london.

but what i will miss most is my bunch of crazy friends, manchester where i feel home now, kinda like Penang, not the prettiest city, balanced city n town like feeling, lots of things to do, pretty good place for food in UK and the roads just makes u think it is, patchy with lots of construction going on here, epitome of Penang development

"if you have a passion for something, you will work so much harder towards it and make up for so much more than other ppl", shermaine's words of wisdom, a bright, beaming and great person. yet surprisingly blessed with humility despite the often high-end brand user. hope she goes on to be the oncologist she aspires to be.

many more years to come, many more years to go.....as the past perishes, cherish the present, cheers for the future

A.C.T. Lim

The Golden Age

2009-04-08T18:55:00.003+01:00

not because I turned 21, not because spring is around the corner and summer blazing soon. not because the sun is glistening upon the fresh grass, not becoz spring is changing hue n drawing the beauty out of flowers.

just simply, i realize i have achieved the greatest thing in my life, a complete wholesome person

not that I am the finished article, of which i think i am still far off from the somewhat prodigal child personification, not that i m the greatest person that ever graced the earth, not that i am a clean or nice person

but simply, this year i have found back my ownself, my dreams and finally realizing and working towards what i want and completely focussed on the task.

I, too, found out and realize that despite my poor academic track record, it is still ever possible to achieve my dreams, neurosurgery.

deep down, i always had that belief and determination to achieve greater heights in neurosurgery but i was strucked n worried whether i have what it takes on papers, the academic results to achieve so. never at one point i ever doubt my interest n ability. n as i progress this year, from what i picked up from consultants and whole lot of other people, results doesnt count much on its own.

knowing exactly how to get there, n at how things are going, n if i keep them going at this rate n fire, inevitably i am and will be doing neurosurgery in the future

nothing is goin to stop me n there is no looking back anymore

only one thing that will stop me from doing it, i quote from a female Plastic Surgeon, "Anyone can do surgery, the only thing that stops you from doing it is yourself"

there is the issue that my parents dont want me to do neurosurgery, but i believe they may understand and be open about it as i take this coming years to convince them.

there are other things that i am glad n brightened up my life of late, the crazy bunch of friends that i have

james - ever funny n crazy n thinks his balls are bigger than durians
jon - was, always and still is my best cousin and the one person i can trust with my life
boon - politics is his bread, lawak is his butter but a capable person
veena - my clinical partner, n the best clinical partner, one person that knows me thru n thru, talked n shared all shyts ups n downs n craps
josh - a very very good friend n too nice a guy, n i wish him the best in future
rong - never fail to entertain the group, or rather we self entertained, i respect how high her level of tolerance is, a modest n down to earth girl
wai lum - also join in with the craze and a genuinely nice guy deep down
heng soon - besides his X collections, i can see him as friends for a lifetime n till we grow white hair

for no reason, n from nowhere, for dunno why.......not that i've been there.....but together, me, jon, boon, james n heng soon, we form the PARIS GANG just coz jon bought all the Paris jumper for us

n almost every posts, i never fail to talk about this. n this makes me part of the wholesomeness, that i no longer bother or think about girls. i thought i was asexual for some reason. but rather coz i know where am i heading n wat i trully want out of me, so much so into what i m doin that i dont bother about anything else.

just got to be cautious of girls who are my type, good thing is there are hardly any. even more so with girls who make use of guys in exchange for the namesake of friendship. girls who make use of guys are just a disgust and awful person, irrespective of the amount of achievements they have had

till then, neurosurgery all the way.........life is full of thrill and fun with surgery

A.C.T. Lim

*post has been edited to avoid any confusions caused*

Just for fun

2009-03-12T20:42:00.002Z

from some personality test website....http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
-shyt, i think i think too highly of myself

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
-lol, that explains the plus minus
-serious ? erm, no......
-smart, not defined by results or studies

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
- really ? seductively......hmmm.......

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
-ya, pretty much accurate

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
-spot on

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

In Loving Memories of My Grandfather Lim Tang Too

2008-05-31T03:04:00.003+01:00

written by Jeffrey Lim, my brother

Ah Kong,
Long will I miss your voice calling me to breakfast,
The moments in your favourite pau shop will I always treasure,
Your hushed prayer before each reunion dinner,
Your pearls of wisdom to all who cared to lend an ear,
These I carry in my heart.
My eyes are heavy with sorrow,
Yet my soul rejoices, for today, you are in paradise.
Memories may fade, but your legacy remains.
You led a simple life, shorn of luxury.
Though the winds of strife, poverty, and hardship huffed and puffed on the door of your fortitude,
Your house never came down.
You weathered the storms of life's darkest days,
You negotiated the pitfalls and avoided temptation at a time when a lesser man would have fallen.
All this, you did, with masterful aplomb.
Your grit, perseverance and self sacrifice meant that you'd always bear the pain of a battered stomach.
But this suffering was your cross to carry, so that none of us would have to suffer the hunger that you felt for most days of your life.
Education was the bedrock on which your family was built.
A vision misplaced, ahead of its time.
Prudence and thrift were your life's pillars.
Never one to back down from life's tempest, you negotiated each swell with hard work and an iron will.
Although your mind gave way before your body,
Before your memories grew dim and the rug of life was pulled from beneath your feet,
Before the curtains were drawn for one final hurrah,
You prayed,..
"God, please take care of my family".

Born on April 9th 1921 and passed away on May 8th 2008

indeed the last few words my grandfather spoke before he sighed his last breath beside my grandma was, "God, please take care of my family"

Life Thus Far

2008-04-18T01:57:00.031+01:00

Portfolio is ridiculously draining, but it has taught me to reflect, so this is wat i have reflected....

I have been having lots of wordy posts, so i think its time to use pictures to describe this time, as a picture tells a thousand words...

this was the journey of a lil boy whose name was and still is Adrian Lim

A once lil kid known as Adrian, was just about to leave his home for abroad for the very first time. Having a mix feeling of excitement and deja vu

My mum was equally anxious, i've rarely seen her like this.
KLIA, where my life away from home begun, still remember this very well....thats the boarding gate

First day when i arrived, n where i was about to stay for my first year, Pankhusrt Court...

My very room, brings back bad memories as it was a place of total boredom .

Life was a lot about this, cooking for myself, this were the rather edible ones that i took pic of (u dont want to see my not edible ones---really not lookable)

But before i could have complained much, it was time to rock on with The University of Manchester

Yeahhh !! Again.....life was everything about this...

Hardly realized, time past by so fast, autumn beckons

Life started to brighten as my circle of friend grew

My good buddy in manchester

Then, winter came, it was time for Christmas.....the German Christmas Market

Had a great time in Barcelona, okay, not because of the genders ratio, i know what are u thinking now, but no......it was a nice trip altogether

The streets of La Ramblas of Barcelona.....picturesque indeed

Finally, life started to bloom as Spring wavered

Another great time in NEEC, but again, dont look at the ratio......it was like that since i came.....till now

okay, flowers were blooming, but no, it was not gf time....

it was time to membujang, kayuh sampan alone....or attempt suicide coz horribly bored

I have walked this far, been and done this much in life, greater bit i have probably not taken pictures of......but what do i want to do....what do i really want ???

TO go to The Theatre of Dreams ??

sorry, no, just not the place to be......

so where i would want to be, having been this far, half the planet.......

i realize, there is no where better than this......

Great buddies in life, will always remember them, no matter how far we go......we even form a society, greater than Manchester United......
the call code, One for All, All for One (but when u kantoi, chi kei chap sang la)
btw, en yee is missing in the pics, he was with 2 other leng luis the other time i went out with him, forgotten to take pic then, as u know, concentration diverted....

but even more, truly this is where i want to be

HOME !!!!

+

my mum, sister, dad......(brother not in pic)....i labeled them coz i know u must be asking, who are they.....but ya, i sometimes do wonder, maybe i was wrongly switched with another baby when i was small.......dont look like anyone of my parents or siblings, but none of us look like each other anyway....

story, to be continued................................

Fortune Favours the Courage

2008-04-07T01:35:00.003+01:00

I had this long chat the other day with tony, my coursemate. It just came to my concious that this things have been bothering me for quite some time, in fact for a long time indeed. i realize as i look back my life, i knew i could have gone into better unis, or even particularly to the uni i wanted to go, i knew n i found myself that i have what it takes to get there, but i didnt got in. The reason being simply, i just never put myself into a dicisplined life, with effort. Since small, the word "potential" i've heard n been praised countless times, n it star strucked me n made me to rest on my laurels believing i have what it takes to make it to the very top. But only after i have done my mistakes that i realized i was wrong. As much as thomas edison believed in, its inevitably true that success is truly 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. ONly if, only if.....i had studied hard enough, got all the full As, i would have got in to where i aspired as a little boy, cambridge.

And it all came back haunting me, particularly since my cousin got the offer for edinburgh. i wasnt jealous of his achievements, but rather, i was ashamed to realize that, the only different between me and him was he had full As for a-levels where i faltered. The even bigger blow is that i wrote the personal statement for him, which was a mirror or an identical image of my own ideas for personal statement, and edinburgh relying heavily on personal statement as they dont give interviews for international students. watever he had, i matched him. only n only my a-levels result. so this was when i realize, knowing i had the ability n idea n the dream n the inspiration to pursue medicine, n yet could still relied on my interview skills for manchester despite having a horribly result. n this is the worst thing in life to realize, that u have the ability but u never just used them.......

those days in college, well, wasted in some sense, but i guess i swapped them for a brighter person that i m today, friends who taught me friendship n care. but when i look back, i know i have blew my own career, my own dream......

but as i spoke to tony, i realize, well, probably its not that all over, he restarted his whole uni career after finishing a law degree. n one thing which he said that strucked me. "since u know you had the ability to do it, make full use of it now and to achieve what u want rather than thinking back of the past"......that was the most comforting thing, that i believe is the end point that matters, i may take different route to where i wanted to go, but if thats wat i need to, i still can live on to believe that this is not the end...

Knowing that i have done such a mistake, this is my promise to myself, to grow up and fight for every minute i have, working hard for what i dreamt n believed for.......anything other than that is secondary.......n above all, i will make sure i fulfill my promise this time.

n this is my aim now, to work every effort i can, to be a good doc irrespective of whether i achieve my dreams, n to be good enough to challenge for neurosurgery or reconstructive surgery or doin a postgrad research in cambridge to at least know i have been there n be part of it.

hence, Fortune Favours the Courage........you got to be brave n daring n fight for wat u want, you'll never know you'll be rewarded one day......

n this is wat makes me who i am, a strength which my mum inspired me to, thats to never give up hope and life.........

to this end, i shall live on with this burning desire to pursue my dream.....n i hate myself for the mistakes that i have done, of which even friends who hurt me, i forgaved, but i would not forgive myself

Opposite Does Attract

2008-04-02T00:54:00.002+01:00

Ms Rathi, my chemistry teacher in taylor's college once said, that opposite attracts when it comes to guys n girls. so true, so true indeed. Today, i found out opposite indeed does attract, really it does.

but no, its not about girls or guys, but so much so again that science proves rules does apply in all aspects of life. i realize that when i was reading on the renal tubular system. I couldnt understand for a long period of time how does loss of chloride ions cause metabolic acidosis (usually caused by loss of hydrogen ions, postively charged ions, where by chloride ions are negatively charged)

How ?.......mmm.........opposite attracts ??

the reason being that chloride ions are used up, or excreted in the tubules in exchange of bicarbonate ions (negatively charged ions, similar to chloride ions)

hence, lost of chloride ions impairs the reabsorption of bicarbonate ions which then leads to reduced bicarbonate ions concentration in the serum which is the buffer for serum ph. net result is an increased ratio of Hydrogen ions to Bicarbonate ions. so serum ph decreases, acidosis is wat they call.

so ya, opposite attracts, but only like-charges can be exchanged......meaning, a girl cannot replace a guy, n vice versa.......

but but ....but......dont get it, it doesnt make sense at all.....wat about lesbianis n gayis.....they can replace their partners with the similar sex......its like replacing hyrogen ions with bicarbonate, n system still fine ?? without acidosis nor alkalosis ??

this is the question.....hmmmm.......closest explanation i've got is from cassandra, that gayis n lesbianis cant be blamed most of the time as lot of them are predisposed or rather born within their genes, the way their brain wired in terms of sexual and comfort pleasures is different, the hypothalamic pathway is not the same as normal people, i presumed it must have been the ventromedial area which is to do with "happy feeling".......

so bottomline, since there are more and more gayis n lesbianis around this days, so to its safe to conclude people are genetically changing.....getting more n more malfunctional.....hmm.....would we mutate into X-Mens......have fangs in our fist like wolverine ? mind read like Professor X ? or even have regeneration ???....

damn, then we dont need botox ?? or boob job ?

Theory of the Lion's Kingdom

2008-03-29T03:46:00.004Z

Be Aware, dont read beyond this sentence if you cant digest radical ideas and horribly ridiculous thoughts.

if you are a sexist, please, this is goin to be the worst thing you've read, or one of the worst

i came up with this thought and logic, but when i was telling this to my friends, both guys and girls, i was being slapped as inhumane....but deep down, i believe it is the truth, though some of it are arguably ugly thoughts to digest.

okay, here we go, never bothered about this since small, but since it is now wat ppl of our age are so bothered with, i cant not be bothered with either, a nice thing to ponder, a hard thing to accept if we are on the wrong or losing side..

this idea, came along with an article i read from bbc, that guys and girls have different objectives when they look for their future husband/wife....

btw, this is just a general and understood rule, doesnt apply to everyone......and not to you of course, your mind tells u, "Nah, bollocks, i am not that kind of person,".....but, "hey, i've seen already quite alot of ppl and being proved right"

girls tend to look for guys with age, height/size, career...........i am pretty sure many would go, "Gosh, how can he say girls like that...."

but i've come to learn that wat my brother told me, its not just true, but its wat girls tend to deny..........as he used to envy those rich ah bengs, he hated them, as he realize why pretty girls can go out with a ugly looking fat man.......only for him to see that it all makes sense that when the guy whoosh out his car key, pressed the button, the spanking pretty looking BM or MErcedes blinking wide shines......and through his experience, as wat he experienced personally that his gf dumped him at one point coz he was not able to shower her with gifts and stuff at one point....

though, i m pretty sure there are girls around who are genuinely nice people and i know myself of them and i can see that they dont fall for those things......but...but......those girls are so rare....

time and again, i see that girls are generally or mostly like that, except for those few who i have very high respect and admiration for them (if u are one of those, continue to hold strong, dont be bitches).

another example, or the most practical one.....is tony, my coursemate who joined medicine after finishing his law degree, once told me this,"do you know, girls never bothered to look at me when i was in leicester, they dont even want to reply to me when i talk to them, they just literally assumed i never existed coz i was the youngest guy and that i didnt have any good looks"......
but now, things has changed for him, if i were to introduce him to any girl, chances are, girls will go like this, "ahh, he is a potential".......at this point right now......so wat has changed ? him having a degree n potentially looking more career assured ?? yeah, thats the point.....the different of a degree, and he is already having the edge......but wat about his person, did he changed ? NO, besides the fact he is more matured maybe, but he hasnt changed.....he is still him....

so come back to wat i believe, is that girls are materialistic by nature........just ask yourself this question, lie to others if that gives u a good sense of feeling, but be honest to yourself, girls.....for this part of Theory of the Lion's Kingdom....guys later...ya, ladies first

2 guys......who u pick
A---old guy who already has a huge career, who is willing to spoil you etc,.....but of unproven personality, possibly a crap egoistic git
B---a nice guy (i dunno how u define nice la, but basically nice la), who has no career, probably working odd jobs in places like tesco, subway, or sundry shops......

if today, i was given the sight of heavens n the eyes of eagles.......come on, which girl would have chosed B, every other girls would have chosen A, think about how big your house would be, how posh life is gonna be, how nice clothes and things you can get.......but guys would have chosed B assuming if those 2 person were girls.....

now you get my point........but why ??

i come to realize, its all in the THeory of the Lion's Kingdom, formulated by Adriana Lima, known sexist........blame girls ?? call them bitches ?? say they are materialistic vampiric creatures ?? NO, its all in the their nature........so yeah, my turn to those girls, (crap, possibly 95% of girls i know) "bollocks, its all about the money"

why is it in the nature........ahhh......thats the catch phrase,....in the Lion's Kingdom, the lioness would be mating with which lion ?????? with handsome young, no domination of any territory lion ? NOO......why care for them, if mate with those lion, i got no territory and no place to bear my kids, my kids would just go to hell, get eaten up by those fat ah pek lions...........instead, the lion with the most domination/possession would get to mate all the lioness......

so how do you translate that to modern day human life ?? lioness in the context refers to girls......the lions = guys........so the lion with the most domination/possession in modern day can be translated as what ?? Guys who have age, career and money........
domination of lion = career of guy
possessions of lion= money of guys
age ?? still mysterious to me, maybe more years of sex experience, higher chances of breeding

so through generations, our killing instincts n stuff like that has not disappeared, but rather adapted to modern day applications..........nicee.....i like this part....

So, guys turn, altho sexist, but got to be fair too........how do u translate the the Theory of the Lion's Kingdom to guys ???

Guys generally are attracted to pretty girls, got to admit that, guy's talk normally starts of about how pretty the girl is before anything else........

but why ?? coz when the Lion looks to mate the lioness, he wants to mate the most fit and the "freshest" ---most fertile lioness la........so that he will get to continue his inheritance n etc......thats the fact why the lion needs a territory too....

how does that translate to modern day guys........??? most fertile = prettiest/youngest coz age is linked with infertility......BINGO......thats where i got from BBC, that the possibly the slimmest and the most sexy will win coz age is linked with increasing body mass n basically just get fat and ugly, hence less fertility.....

now this is my bit....ahhh....that how do we link fertility with beauty ??
fertility = thicker endometrial wall = higher oestrogen n progesterone levels = which makes more feminine and prettier girls.........

which is maybe why mammilary glands (more pollite) of girls are attractive to guys........a reflection of amount of oestrogen and progesterone presence.........

NOw u see ? science is lovely.....

to end on this thought, there are still those girls, who i know few, but really do earn my highest respect and admiration that they can defy the law of nature, meaning to like a guy becoz of who he is rather than wat he has.......
the few i know, for one example is that a random final year medic senior i met during my trip to glasgow who is in edinburgh can still like her bf who is in singapore just doing some random business studies since she left college.......n hey, she is pretty......note that the guy is not any smarter or more career established than her, but just coz she likes him very much...
well for guys ?? still, there are those who like girls by person not by beauty.......

n that, the bombshell of the day is that......of the crap n long winded theory......this days, ppl just get gayish n lesbianish........girls like feminine guys, guys like macho girls ???.......yuks, scaring the crap out of my body.....

oh ya, wat goes around comes around, recently i've been mocked a CV obsessed person, but, got to say, i saw nature's rule applied to my mocker......dunno should i laugh or shake my head......glad certain things didnt turned out in my past, coz it happened for the better sake

advice of the day, Dont be a smoker.....the world is a small place for ppl to hide n bluff

Complexity is the building blocks of Simplicity

2008-03-29T03:09:00.002Z

spending every inch of my time in the library, though i hate the fact i have to walk there in the cold from my place every time. i am starting to grow a liking for the place, johny oh rylands, wat a nice place indeed to be in, indeed.

always liked to do things alone since i was small, and more so like to have a good time for myself for a time of serenity and withdrawing from the hustle and bustle of things, best way, books. but this sense of wanting to study only comes once in a while. most of my time being spent jolly and happy around with friends. so everytime when it comes to the call of rylandhood, the time there is just brilliant, slowly reading and wondering in my own world of science, where idea seems to be reality.

so much so for the intense time there, for the recent past few weeks, i am starting to gain back the times i had in my childhood days, the all alone and time building castles from lego and playing virtual games and stuff. but this time, its different....

its about how science can be played as well, its about how beautiful science connects the world and forms, how everything can be explained. although this lil bit of science is a medico thing that i am rather reading, but i am just excited and intrigued how things work, so much like the castles building time when i was a lil kid. and then, this sense of thinking sparks my mind from time to time again.......

that everything, be it human or physics or the world can be explained. the most complex of natures stems from the simplest of building blocks. as i read on, i realized how small little things can gather all together and become really complex and so hard to understand, n that if we can grasp the basics of ideas n the simplest of facts, everything can be explained.

as i read on, i realize, how from a simple dysfunction of glucose receptors, can lead on to cascades after cascades of wild and complex clinical presentations of diabetes mellitus, which are rather hard to remember all on its own as facts. but the simplest of glucose causes everything. and if that bit is corrected, its all solved, though to solve is a separate challenge.

its like this, we see how mega is the pyramid, how wonderful it is, we get puzzled and in awe.....but if we look closely, that its strength lies from its simple repetitive building blocks.....

or another way to look at it is this, the shiniest of diamond and the ugliest of coal is of the same blocks, Carbon.......but its how they are molecularly arranged that gives them the look and the character

to end on this thought, i am now quite scared of girls with diabetes history, to realize how significant the disease is, its not just about glucose n monitoring it, its how screwed your genes are which constitutes your dysfunction.....both Types 1 and 2 are as multigenic disordered as the other.........wouldnt want your kids to be genetically dysfunctioned. and for once, being fat is seriously not good, and fat ppl are highly predisposed..

i remember one of Einstein's words, not in exact words but rather my understanding of wat he meant, that there are many great scientists who can work forward to expand and create more questions and problems.....but only very few great minds can work backwards and solve them by finding the source, the most basic simple thing.

Adrian Lim is back !!

2008-02-09T02:10:00.000Z

after reading lots of ppl's blog during exam period as i was completed bored to death with loads of books, from friend's to friend's friend's to ppl that i dunno if the friend even know if he/she is a friend either, so i decided why not write things as time goes on, as i wont remember it one day maybe. that when i look back, i will have a good laugh at myself

cant quite recall when was the last time i actually blogged, n even more, so many stuff has passed since i left college. looking back, i wouldnt have thought, at that time when i last blogged, that i would face one of my worst nightmares, screwing up my a-levels, it all first began with AS, a below average result of 1A 2B 1C 1D, D for thinking skills (pretty much sum up the result). thought i was pretty done n gone with my future, but then miraculously i somehow manage to get an offer from manchester.the impossible happened, virtually impossible as no university, what more manchester would have given an offer to a student who barely managed an average result, and not even courses like psychology or ethics. but that day came on the last week of chinese year when i was back in muar, my father's hometown. i was however horrible saddened a few days prior to the offer that i got the rejection from newcastle.

life was about to change i thought, knowing i have a shot at manchester, but then needing to get 2As, it was time to roll up my sleeves to drill hard with the books, but i didnt, n same old mistake happened, lazed around n trailed behind in classes most of the time. time slowly trickled, n i hardly realized, A2 was up. another nightmare happened, this time, i was so shocked at it, that i could actually still recall so vividly and accurately, each n every moment of it, it was probably a legendary incident in taylors. i was late 15 minutes into Chemistry core paper which was 60 minutes long. i slept late that night, alarm rang, 3 of them, shut them all, didnt realize i actually shut them, office called my phone, i turned it off, i didnt realize that until checked it after paper finished, out of nowhere, i woke up when it was 10.10am, the paper was 10.00am. i was so freaked out that i thought i was actually dreaming and thought how this was not real, but i wasnt dreaming, i was really goin to screw up. thoughts of not getting into manchester, not even having a pass for chemistry as it was the core paper, not EVEN able to apply to manipal/india, thoughts of my parents face looking at me.......i was fearing so much, i didnt knew wat i wore or wat i put on that day, i just ran the hell for my life, ran like the speed of 100 metres non-stop, sweating, exhausted, dying, but not willing to give up for 5 minutes to reach my college as another minute into 10.16am would mean i wont be allowed to sit for the paper. the adrenaline rush was so much that in the process of running, i actually broke the nail of my left big toe, bleeding wet into my socks, i felt no pain at all. the speed i ran, the feeling i had was the worst in my life, for once, the world really feel like it was about to end, that the so called prodigal child would face like wat all prodigal child would, bright childhood but faded away. the closest feeling to that was like if someone had a gun aimed right at your head, you are possibly facing the last few seconds of your life.

so, it was the legendary shocker to every taylorian, 15 minute into chemistry core paper, the most important paper for any student.....a shabby/drenched/blurred/shocked/dying boy stormed into the hall...and the whole hall turned and looked at me. no one has done that before. the night before that i knew i would have aced that paper, n would have got an A for chemistry becoz i had prepared extremely well for it, but i didnt as i was rushing so much, so desperately having to finish the paper when other students barely had time on a regular 60 minutes for it.

and those mistakes i did in college, the wasteful times playing and goin out, the wishful thinking that i got the brains to aced things without studying much, the ignorant thinking that i can turn things around by doin wat i've been doin.....i was wrong, and so wrong that till today, i regretted it, that till today, i look back n think to myself, i would have gone into a better university, the university i dreamt of goin since i was a little boy, cambridge. and miraculously somehow again, having not met the basic requirements for manchester, they still gave me the place....

life has changed since then, now i believe and know that hardwork is the answer to success, not brains. that if u dont change by force, u would never change. i am glad i made the cut, tho i didnt make it to where i wanted, but i couldnt have asked for more knowing i had, and indeed screwed my own future. but looking now where i am, its not all over, there is still a bright future ahead

university life tho, sucks big time......to be continued

Friends...

2006-08-31T17:07:00.000+01:00

Hmm....i guess the last time i blog was the second or third time i log in which was so many months ago....i promised to include the outings of others besides our classmates.....so i guess this be it.....

well....one of my best days in college...are the days after our exams...be it AS trial, AS final, etc....me, jian wan, chee khang, ...occasionally tuan ee n andrew...soon yiu....hmmm initially la...well, thinking back, it was sort of stupid, stuff we wont do alone but frens make a different.....5 of us...if soon yiu doesnt follow.....all gather in my shanty-roboh-dont-feel-to-rompak house....wasting time just sembang...then here we go...the adventures set....wait wait....its not about those pirate ships, cool ferraris, star wars spaceship.....rather.....our pimp-my-ride nissan car....which belongs to our C K...(driver in cantonese)....which is chee khang...

the car, hats off, shave off, throw off.....just off shyt....believe it..the most valuable part of the car is the CD player which is removable.....n the modified engine.....something his father had changed for him.......anyway....we rode in it....5 of us...cool stuff....tuan ee sat in front...cant even squeeze his legs(bloody small space).....then u have jian wan......amazing enuf.....nissan never credit them to test how durable was the tire.....the driver....u got no one else who will drive like him.....corner sharp between cars....breaks so close to other cars u wish u were not having mercedes/bmw for him to scratch....parking is done single handed......reverse is done with full power.....scratching the car is just like scratching his head....andrew, was praying hard we wont end up in the longkang....so did jian wan....screaming into ck's ear each time he shows his 'skill'

so we were....for many times....in pyramid....sometimes One U.....came of the car....stroll down the mall, with rugged looking faces, rubbishly dressed, talking craps.....even some may think who these thugs were......dont laugh though....occasionally u see some indon looking at ck.....must be wondering this 'abang' hails from indon too ???....erm....exaggerating only la....the ideas are rather boring.....for many times i thought we were dumb....but i was wrong......so, here we go, bowling starts first...or eating....jian wan n ck bowls like bulldogs.....andrew.....gentle, subtle with his bowl....but striked several times even for his first time bowling.......then u got tuan ee.....lmao if u say he dont have skill....he can bowl over to other ppl's lane n then jump back to his lane....aint that call skill...even professionals got to kiss his ass......me....ehem..ehem.....u know the 3 letter....."PRO".....ya...professional la.....but pro longkang la...

then we go for something to eat.....well....when it comes to eating.....u got to take 2 fella to beat tuan ee....ppl eat one BK whopper....he whops 2.....ppl order 1 set.....he call 2...i still remember....the Success chap fan aunty ask him once whether he scoop his meal for 2 ppl to eat....we eat 4 bucks....he pays 8....psss....psss....secret stuff here......that aunty likes ck....she likes her mouth n teeth.....anyway...back to our adventure....hey hey...concentrate....dont think about his laugh for a while can anot.....k...then we went for movies.....well, u name it la.....almost any movie that came out which was nice.....we had watch them.....from some stupid jessica alba show her bloody body Into the Blue......to chicken little.....to the pretty girl who love gorilla in King Kong....to the long hours of X-Men

foolish though, regretting wasting time doin those outings, indirectly affected a-levels......those were the great days of college life....now everyone is hard to reach.....jian wan working....chee khang with his jamaica story.....tuan ee(dota-ing)....andrew(also dota-ing)....soon yiu lately quit part time work...but giv full commitment to his full time work......me at home....leaving malaysia on 13th september.......wish we now have college...no studies....but only outings....

Cheers PM2.....live life to the fullest......our career beckons.....may we all achieve our dreams in life

Life unfolds in 22 jln SS15/6...the untold

2006-06-20T18:26:00.000+01:00

Initially, soon yiu and huan loon just moved to the new house which was very near to the college, less than 10 min walk, somewhere august last year. I felt glad at that moment, as for the first time i have a real friend. Not a 'fren' which comes out and shake your hand, then the next moment starting to puff his lifeless mild 7 or probably mesmerising his torso with a girl which was scantilly clad, most probably where he picked her up somewhere near the bar during clubbing.
Within days, after what i seen as a tiring day of 'pindah rumah', both of them started to set up the indoor house cc. Huan Loon n Soon Yiu both having their own pc went gunbound together. At times, even messaged him through msn to pass his stuff, in true fact, they were just at opposite corners. Slept next to each other, i still wonder whether they shared their underwears, shirt maybe
Well, it wasn't long though, soon Huan Loon's parents came, he brought them down Asia Cafe, I just tagged along back then. Promptly, the mom felt the place wasn't right, as she passed by the cybers while some guys wrapped around horribly looking girls who rather painted her face than what you call make-up, having some puff, an unwelcoming sight to his mom. Few days after that, it was a dreadful call from the mom, she wanted him to shift out from taylors as soon as he could. Thats when actually Huan Loon had to quit a-levels. Well, it was over though, he left as soon as the mom reaffirm with some tukang tilik....Anyway....i guess he has a better life now in INTI.....if you dont believe me, have a look at this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m45c7UXI0DM&search=kelvin%20wang
So, as soon as he left, i chipped in to stay with soon yiu. I learned a lot, not just staying with soon yiu, but most of all from the gang of Alor Setar friends who had been staying there. Well, for the greater part of my life I have been a very individualistic person, i couldnt care much about others, as i had practically grew up doing everything by myself. My brother and sister were way older than me. I had close friends but they were few in numbers, furthermore I am mandarin iliterate, hence Indians and Malays being my closer friends. Isolated at times by chinese friends and i just kept close with few of them. Things changed as i stayed with my new housemates, soon yiu, his friends, 2 other guys and a girl. Its probably the most interesting part of my life.
Soon, i joined them for dinners, outings, movies, mamaking, ate burgers in the balcony and many other times of jokes and gossiping. The place and the subject, I realized, did not matter. It was the time spent together becoming crazy and playing around. Coupled by times of chee khang and jian wan joining together(maybe i'll talk about those some other days)..Thats how we were bonded together. Days were just spent sitting down together, swagging some burgers, shouldered each others like gays, gossiping and joking around. It was some memory that will not die off from my memory. Time elapsed, almost a year together, slept next to each other, great times spent together. Its when i realized there is more to to ourself, friends are times a pain in the arse, more than often, they are whom we always feel where home is. Conflicts happened, but I am glad when i left the house, i know i tasted and found the true meaning of friendship. I felt dreadful when i had to leave the house, knowing they, soon yiu and the other 2 guys were probably the best friends i had and i will probably not see them anymore in the future. Soon yiu heading for manipal,india....Soo Chen,some business line....En Yee,engineering in USA.....to them and to all pm2 guys n gals.....cheers...may we be destined to one day....one fine day....we meet again
till then, shall we all fulfill the dreams of our lives...........

Banglas, Chinaman, Iranian n screwed ppl

2006-06-15T13:35:00.000+01:00

And there i was in subang....

I've been leaving comfortably at home, everything so much settled,easier,uncomplicated and almost in dreamland.....
Then, life starts to change, all on my own, it is not eay life outside home irregardless of the way you think...not that you are far from family, but u got to things on your own which isnt easy as it seems.
If it was all about living on your own, you are horribly wrong, well beside my room was a bangla, in front of mine was iranian and on the right across me was chinese couple from china

So, how's life living with everyone who is foreign....one way to say it...not good

well....when i first came...
the house was constantly filled with smoke, well u name it mild seven light,middle,heavy...whatever...dunhill,malboro...opps...they r the same rite....gudang garam?? no i guess....ok then, oh..whatever...cant remember..
well, once u step in the main door...u think u either tasted miniature hell, or some Club 7 wannabe place..well, the hip hop,reggae, hard like rock songs are replaced with some drubbing of hindi....n ur head starts wiggling....n the same bloody song plays again n again...that comes from the bangla...the smoke every single one of them smokes...includin a johor girl...
well,entertainment??...too much...wat sort??...well, like this, i was about to go to bed at 2am..next day is class as usual...the hindi song, drums go louder n louder.....the a$$hole bangla thought"oh well, laptop doesnt sound that good,"thats when he decided to buy a pair of 2 feet speaker......
imagine that, u were about to sleep, then he turns the stereo sytem louder as to provide ganja for him to sleep....and all you hear is the bass......n thats every night...
good entertainment...nah...thats not that fun yet...

So,we got the extended, non-censored version, non-graphical but perfect stereo of the chinaman couple having their MOMENT during weekends. Rapid n continous, punctuated with something the girl shouted in mandarin...well i guess she asked the guy to stop.....u do hear some sort of earthquake cause that guy is quite huge, while the girl is shorter than his chest....first time hearing the actions but no scenes doesnt make u feel comfortable, hard to sleep later....

Then u have the Iranian, oh gosh, he has such a strong body odour...if he were to rob a bank, u will hand him the money if he were to grab you around his armpit...HIs room, u will not come closer to imagine yourself being a rat in a larger scale...Smokes n throws his cigarettes on the floor, eats fries n throws the plastic next to his bed, wears his shoes in his own room and the best of all is he flags his room with his dirt-tainted underwears...As soon as he opens his door, well no idiot need any thinking to close their own door...well,the smell penetrates through your door even more effective than your air cond can pump in fresh air....and one reminder.....Never Never ever wash your clothes after he does....u will have the smell of his arse so strong that it will never be lost.....try all sorts of perfume....i guess even perfume brand names like Angel, Calvin Klein, Armani, Gucci, Chanel will envy his strength of odour...

well...then one by one started to leave....initially it was the United states of Subang.....the Iranian left, so did the Chinese sexually active couple....Well, it turned out worse......Morshed Chaklader I asked,the bangla,"well, do u have any idea who is comin in?"."oh, dont worry its gonna be great my frens are comin over,"....well i couldnt hide my words...straight away i said"WHAT THE PHUCK".he almost heard it...well then...every night seems to be the best hindi nightclub you will be in....3 rooms all on full throttle...jamming their rooms with songs i will never want to listen for the rest of my life.....even complained to the landlady,...well it worked at least for a couple of hours...they said sorry...shaked my hand...and went to bed peacefully....Then, as i was asleep, it all went back to how it was...in fact louder...due to some sort of withdrawal syndrome i guess....thats when i hated,loathed,cursed,rubbished banglas....they are probably the worst ever race to inhabit malaysia...i wonder wat the locals there are like....imagine that...Morshed,is probably one of the richest bangla u will ever meet, he claims his dad owns a electronic manfacturing company, have their own shopping complexes...and they even live in a hotel which is theirs.....wat sort of people u will think of in malaysia....Lim Goh Tong's son???you are partly there...yet, he is the most absolute rubbish arse i've ever seen in my life, wicked, inconsiderate, cunning, horrible person....they are all like that...or about the same...

forget the den of thieves in Diablo, its worse than that..
finally, i decided to leave after 6 months...n yeah...moved in to soon yiu's place in replace of huan loon....thats when life had its purpose

Life before taylors

2006-06-15T13:05:00.000+01:00

1 n half years passed....didnt realised at a point after spm i would be coming to taylors....
my father insisted me that i must,inevitably, go to Inti penang to do SAM.....cause that saves a year if i will end up in IMU.......direct route to England as i always fancied look bleak...albeit a very persistent desire to do so....
I fought hard...in fact...i even said in a revolt manner...that i will not giv a damn to do SAM....i insisted i wanted to do A-levels....So, it seems from the response of my father, i will probably herd his words. But then, came a briliant idea, if man is the conqueror of the Earth, who is more than a conqueror????.......yeah....its my mother....I went straight to my mom, asked her to persuade my father that i wanted to have an illustrious opportunity to study in England, knowing the fact that i may not probably stand a chance to do so in IMU, tough competition and above all of those i am fully aware of my lazy nature and my hatred towards memorizing facts which doesnt make sense.
And that day came, my aunt came over for a usual visit, we sat together, with a horribly frowned face which i thought would have been the epitome of my future, we had a lunch in a restaurant. In fact, i just came back from a talk in INTI penang, i thought well this is what life is probably about, filled with unfulfilled desires......but NO that didnt turned out...My aunt who sat across me was saying"well, if he is keen to do A-levels, i think its best you let him just do it after all whats all the fuss about studying medicine,trying to find the best way.At least, he has got his own plan what he wants to do, and i think what we do as parents is to support them."For once i breathed deeply,gasping the tasty smells around me knowing my father will give a thought to an aunt being an experienced lawyer and a persuasive person.
Yeah...so it happen...all in a while, signed up for taylors...asked my cousin over subang to get a place...

Beginning of blogging...

2006-06-14T21:53:00.000+01:00

Still trying out to simply create a proper blog